Precious Illusions

You'll rescue me right?
In the exact same way they never did..
I'll be happy right?
When your healing powers kick in

You'll complete me right?
Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right?
Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
Cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode

This won't work now the way it once did
'Cos I want to decide between survival and bliss
Now I know who I'm not
I don't I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends


These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with childhood best friends

Ready to Love Again

Seems I was walking in the wrong direction
I barely recognized my own reflection, no
Scared of love, but scared of life alone
Seems I've been playin' on the safe side baby
Building walls around my heart to save me, oh
But it's time for me to let it go.

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

Just when you think that love will never find you
You run away but still it's right behind you, oh
It's just something that we can't control

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again.

So come and find me
I'll be waiting up for you
I'll be holding out for you tonight

Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I 'fraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready, ready to love again.

I Can't Make You Love Me

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Mornin will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

Foolish Games

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.

You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
Somewhere along the line, I must've got
Off track with you.

Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

Everything

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

And you’re still here
And you're still here...

Deception

Love, Unconditionally

It is really difficult to love in the context of what God wants us to do. It is crazy. It is humanly impossible. Because according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 " Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud, love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith,hope, and patience never fail."

*SIGH*  Based on what was written in the Bible, loving is no joke. Sometimes we say the words "I LOVE YOU" but do we really mean it? I mean REALLY do mean it. Often times we utter those words as if it were just an expression. Or sometimes we associate love with someone who is lovable. Or we think love is just pure physical attraction. Our perception of how love is and how it works is very shallow. We fail to acknowledge that love came from God and God is love.

I have been into many relationships. All had their good and bad moments. I’ve loved and lost. I’m guilty of overusing the phrase "i love you" but come to think of it have i really meant it? Maybe for some yes i did but i may be guilty of using it just to say it for the heck of saying it.

As stated above, we should learn to love like how God loves us. He loved us even if we were undeserving because HE is God and we are but sinners but still He was and still is loving us inspite of who we are … wretched nobodies. And HIs love is active. He did not wait for us to come to him but he continually makes Himself present in our lives. The problem with us tho is that we are too preoccupied what we are doing that we become blind and deaf to see and hear that He loves us. And God’s love for us is costly in his part because Jesus had to give up His very life for us. Would you ever give up your life for someone who has offended you many times? That’s what we do. We are sinners but Jesus continually loves us inspite of our flaws.

Dancing with God

When I meditated on the word GUIDANCE, I was drawn to" dance" at the end of the word. I reflected upon how doing God’s will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right The movement doesn’t flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes this and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It’s as if two become one body, moving beautifully The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other. My eyes drew back to the word GUIDANCE. When I saw "G," I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i." "God, "u" and "i" dance". God, you, and I dance. This statement is what guidance means to me. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead. My prayer for you today is that God’s blessings and mercies be upon you and your family on this day and everyday. May you abide in Him as He abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting Him to lead and to guide you through each season of your life. If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else, for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let ’s continue to pray for one another. I Hope You Dance !!!!!!!!!!!! Life is Precious - "Give God Thanks For It"

Courage To Commit

Being committed to something takes a lot of courage and character. But what does it mean to be committed? I believe commitment doesn’t only involve the outward things that we dobut as well as our hearts. Often times we say that we say we are committed well in fact when trials come our way we throw in the towel and just give up. Being committed is never giving up on something. It is the relentless quest for perfection. It is staying there and believing and trusting amidst all adversities. In this modern and fast paced life where people change things just with a snap of a finger, most of them don’t get to stop and savour what the Lord has to offer for them. People can be committed alright but most often than not for the wrong things. But why are there divorces? Why do people quit? Why do relationships fall and break up? Commitment is such a BIG word for me. It takes a lof guts for this. Commitment is not just some agreement on something and then when things fall apart you run away. I have been to numerous relationships that failed because I was not commited to the person or vise versa. It was hard for me to fathom the precept of commitment because I have never felt anyone to be as fully committed to me or I to them. Admittedly, I have been committed in things of this world rather than fixing my eyes on the real prize which is being with our Lord, Jesus. The greatest example of commitment is that of Jesus Christ. He is the fulfillment of the prophecies and the convenant that God has made with His people. Because of this He had to endure pain & suffering just to save us all from our sins - past, present and future. If Jesus said no or I give up when He was being tortured or even when He was templed by Satan, we would probably be dead by now. Because if is written in the Bible that the wages of sin is death and Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice. That’s not the only thing that God revealed to me of His commitment to His people. I firmly believe that God will be faithful to finish the work He began in me. I was a wreck before I came to know Jesus - outside I was okay but deep inside I was battling with demons. Then Jesus came into my life. I was hesistant at first but then I gave in to Jesus but when trials came about and my commitment dwindled I found myself becoming a wreck again. I went astray again. But what’s so amazing about Jesus He never let me go. He never ceased to find a way to get me back again. He made me realize how much He loved me that even if I ran away He will make a way to bring me back. I am so ashamed of this that a king is the one looking and searching hign and low for His unworthy servant.He promised us that He will never forsake us as long as we believe in HIm. He will break me, mold me and make me into a new creation - a new creation every day of my life. I am a miracle of Jesus and I will commit my life to make committed followers of Jesus Christ.   

Excerpts from Veronika Decides to Die

‘You say they create their own reality,’ said Veronika, ‘but what is reality?’

‘It’s what the majority deems it to be. It’s not necessarily the best or the most logical, but it’s the one that has become adapted to the desires of society as a whole. You see this thing i’ve got round my neck?’

‘You mean your tie?’

‘Exactly. Your answer is the logical, coherent answer an absolutely normal person would give: it’s a tie! A madman, however, would say that what I have round my neck is a ridiculous, useless bit of coloured cloth tied in a very complicated way, and which makes it harder to get air into your lungs and difficult to turn your neck. I have to be careful when I’m anywhere near a fan, or I could be strangled by this bit of cloth.

If a mad person were to ask me what this tie is for, I would have to say, absolutely nothing. It’s not even purely decorative, since nowadays it’s become a symbol of slavery, power, aloofness. The only really useful function a tie serves is the sense of relief when you get home and take it off; you feel as if you’ve freed yourself from something, though quite what you don’t know.

‘But does that sense of relief justify the existence of ties? No. Nevertheless, if I were to ask a madman and a normal person what this is, the sane person would say: a tie. It doesn’t matter who’s correct, what matters is who’s right.’

Certain people, in their eagerness to construct a world which no external threat can penetrate, build exaggeratedly high defenses against the outside world, against new people, new places, different experiences, and leave their inner world stripped bare. It is there that Bitterness begins its irrevocable work.

The will was the main target of Bitterness (or Vitriol, as Dr. Igor preferred to call it). The people attacked by this malaise began to lose all desire, and within a few years, they became unable to leave their world, where they had spent enormous reserves of energy constructing high walls in order to make reality what they wanted it to be.

In order to avoid external attack, they had also deliberately limited internal growth, they continued going to work, watching television, having children, complaining about the traffic, but these things happened automatically, unaccompanied by any particular emotion, because, after all, everything was under control.

The great problem with poisoning by Bitterness was that the passions — hatred, love, despair, enthusiasm, curiosity — also ceased to manifest themselves. After a while, the embittered person felt no desire at all. They lacked the will either to live or to die, that was the problem.

That is why embittered people find heroes and madmen a perennial source of fascination, for they have no fear of life or death. Both heroes and madmen are indifferent to danger and will forge ahead regardless of what other people say. The madman committed suicide, the hero offered himself up to martyrdom in the name of a cause, but both would die, and the embittered would spend many nights and days remarking on the absurdity and the glory of both. It was the only moment when the embittered person had the energy to clamber up his defensive walls and peer over at the world outside, but then his hands and feet would grow tired and he would return to daily life.

Anatomy of a Breakup

The anatomy of a breakup…

• Denial, followed by desperate bid to get back together involving promises to do everything to make him happy
• Severe loss of sleep, appetite and self-esteem
• Acute paralysis - or maybe death - of good judgment
• Compulsive tendencies to document every event, feeling and fantasy in manner of reporter trying to make sense of things
• More compulsive tendencies to over-examine relationship carcass and over-analyze cause of death as couple
• Getting a life

Help Me! I'm falling!

falling for someone that you know can’t be yours can be very frustrating. even if there are signs of possible chemistry between the two of you, still there are forces beyond your control that hinders to go on with that relationship. and what’s more  frustrating is the fact that this has happened a lot of times before. why do  we keep on entering this vicious cycle where it always leaves us fallling for someone and in return we keep landing flat on the ground with bumps and bruises to boot? what makes us a magnet to stuff that we know will hurt us? Even if we keep our guards up eventually it crumbles down. There is that person (or persons) who will "destroy" that shield you have put up and you have nothing to do but to give in. 

How Many Times

How many times have I broken Your heart?

Yet You never cease to give me a new start.

How many times have I repeatedly failed You?

Still You never gave up on seeing me through.

How can You give up Your life for someone unworthy?

How can You choose to love some wretch like me?

There must be something I failed to understand

There must be something that my mind can’t comprehend

Though I turn away from You, still You wait for my return

How can You be so patient and loving with a heart that never learns?

Never have I felt a love that could truly heal

Never have I seen a sacrifice so real

Every stripe on Your back, every gash on Your brow

Every whip, every pound, every drop, every blow

Every nail, every thorn, every fall

Sacrificing Yourself and took it all

How can someone so big and majestic

Be interested in me – a tiny speck

I’m humbled and unworthy

Of the love that You give unconditionally

Too many lies have been said

I might as well been left for dead

But now my life has been taken out of the lost

All because of a man who loved me and died for me on the cross.

You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She’s got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand ...

Leonardo da Vinci: You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She’s got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand. (EVER AFTER)

Henry: Do you really think there is only one perfect mate? 
Leonardo da Vinci: As a matter of fact, I do. 
Henry: Well then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them, are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you’re supposed to be with never appears, or, or she does, but you’re too distracted to notice? 
Leonardo da Vinci: You learn to pay attention. 
Henry: Then let’s say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you’re supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or, was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be? (EVER AFTER)

Unrequited Love - Thoughts on Love

I’ve found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “love is blind”. Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. 

Random Thoughts on Letting Go

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

Burning

Flame is burning intensely thru the dark 

Emitting a radiant and hypnotic glow

Igniting within a tiny spark

A warmth that melts an inner snow

A warning for the little moth

That sees the burning light ahead

To heed before its wings get caught

And have its body scorched and dead

No amount of caution would keep her still

The burning flame entices her more

She is drawn against her free will

Nothing she has ever felt before

She flies closer and closer 

She is putting herself in a perilous dance

The flame almost touching her

Yet she is willing to take that dangerous chance 

Unknown to her what her fate would be

She is magnetized to the enigmatic flame

As she continues nonchalantly

Uninhibited, wild, restless and untamed

Lured in by that mysterious glow

Intrigued by the secrets she wants to know

Why can such light control her that way

In any course and time of the day?

Slowly the tip of her wing was licked by the flame

Still she continued with the dangerous game

She thought she was safe and had it in control

Little did she know that she will take the fall

Her wings scorched slowly into ash

Her body slowly withered and crash

Funny but she wasn't filled with remorse or regret

Willing to face the fire up to her last breath

Gabu by Carlos Angeles

The battering restlessness of the sea
Insists a tidal fury upon the beach
At gabu and its pure consistency
Havocs the wasteland hard within its reach.

Brutal the daylong bashing of its heart
Against the seascape where, for miles around,
Farther than sight itself, the rockstones part
And drop into the elemental wound.

The waste of centuries is grey and dead
And neutral where the sea has beached its brine
Where the spilt salt of its heart lies spread
Among the dark habiliments of Time.The vital splendor misses. For here, here
At Gabu where the ageless tide recurs,
All things forfeited are most loved and dear.

It is the sea pursues a habit of shores.

Secrets of the Sea - Bukang Liwayway

"In this spot in time while moving on, uncovering, discovering, recovering with every brief chance intimacy of secret sharer, shoe and sea.."

Light slowly crept in the dark sky as the melancholy sound of the tumpong reverberated on the beach area. Little drops of rain continuously poured down the ruins brought about by the storm. 

But the storm in Liwayway's heart has not stopped.  Looking out her little window, she looks at the sea - the sea that knows her secrets and her desires. The same sea 

Chrysalis

Like a tiger
Know how to lure you with my feline’s touch
A trouble spider
Can make a trap to catch the one I want
But fine as a white dove
I’d do anything for the one I love
To get that one kiss
I’ll wait patiently like a chrysalis

The woman in me
Just like a wild horse I need to run free
Like a butterfly
I can be sweet and very infantile
A viper, a cobra
I also can be viciously unkind
Just remember that I can be strong and tender
Just remember and beware